I Hate Video Games
by Devil's Apples
Summary: Neji hates video games, especially when mixed with a drunk blond and his sadistic boyfriend...


_**Disclaimer: Sasuke got to him first..**_.

**xxxxx**

_Boom! Scream! Slash! Shriek! Gun shots!_

**LEVEL 69 REACHED**

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"Hn?" Naruto tilted his head in the direction of the inquirer, eyes focused on the large plasma screen.

"It's ten a.m. You've only been up for 15 minutes and you're already glued to that thing. What's so great about it?"

"Everything."

"What kind of answer is that?"

"My kind. Now shut up."

"Answer it correctly and I won't throw the entire console out the window."

**PAUSE**

Turning, the blond glared at his guest, who was sitting at a nearby table, skimming through a random book, now laying neglected as pearl eyes returned the glare.

"Touch it and face the consequences, Hyuuga."

Neji scoffed, rolling his eyes at the threat. Naruto could, and usually did, carry out his threats, but seeing as he really wasn't planning on demolishing the video game console (Sasuke would throw a prissy fit), he brushed off his words. Sitting back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, Neji studied the frozen image, trying to find any appeal in the carnage.

"All you do is shoot, fillet and blow up enemies. Don't you ever get tired of the same thing?"

"No," was the answer & the game was continued, chaos and mayhem bouncing off the living room walls.

Boom! Boom! Slash! Slash!

"Freak," Neji sighed loudly.

"Don't try to figure him out."

Naruto didn't even blink but Neji looked over to their companion as he entered the room, carrying a small plastic bag. Two things were wrong with the picture. One, Sasuke was a shopaholic and never took less than four hours to do any shopping, even when shopping for groceries, so for him to have returned after just half an hour was mind-boggling. Two, Sasuke was a shopaholic and never brought back less a truck load of shit, even when shopping for groceries, so for him to only be toting a small plastic bag was just wrong.

"So what is he good for? Neji asked nonetheless, ignoring the one-fingered salute Naruto gave him over the couch.

"Personal amusement," Sasuke replied, smirking devilishly and holding up his prized purchase." I hold here in my hand the start of a revolution. A force that will one day rule the world."

"Akako's Arcade?" Neji read the logo the bag with a raised brow. "Look out, Biovolt."

"Nice sarcasm," Sasuke countered equally, up for some theatrics today."Naruto?"

"Hn?" Again, the teen's head tilted but he did not look back.

"Remember what happened last night?"

"You mean your first time as uke? What, you horny or something?"

"What?! No! Not that!" Sasuke glared at Neji, who was snickering at the raven's violent blush.

"Then, no. Now shove it and let me play."

"Fine, fine," Sasuke sighed, giving in way too quickly. Naruto tensed when he felt a warm breath on his neck, soft lips pressing against his jugular. He heard a dark, sadistic chuckle from right next to his ear and suddenly felt like a fox that was about to be eaten by a wolf. He kept his eyes on the screen, trying to give the impression that he was unaffected by his lover's antics, but couldn't prevent his hands from trembling a little. "I guess I'll just have to talk to Hyuuga about that incident that happened a few years ago when you put your-"

"Shut up!"

"Go on!" Neji encouraged, marvelling that he hadn't heard of this before, considering that Hinata would have most likely witnessed it as well.

"What the hell did you buy, Sasuke-kun?" Naruto gave in, pausing his game and turning on the spot, giving Sasuke his complete attention.

"Funny you should ask. Remember what you said last night that you've probably played every game out there?"

"Yeah."

"And you said you could play any game you got your hands on?"

"...Yeah."

"Well I took it upon myself to see if it's true and went out and bought you an entirely new game that should prove to be - an unprecedented challenge."

The sapphire eyes narrowed and the blonde got to his feet and walked over, looking up at Sasuke from his distinct height detriment. Having grown bored with his book, Neji came over as well, wanting to see first hand how this new development was going to unfold. Sasuke smiled amiably. Definitely a bad sign. Neji was so glad it wasn't meant for him.

"Sasuke," Naruto growled, growing impatient with curiosity and suspicion.

"First you have to agree. Raise your hand."

"Stop being such a pain."

The onyx eyes narrowed and his hands came to rest on the raven's slender hips. Other people usually saw this as a somewhat girly pose, but his friends knew that when adopting this stance Sasuke was rather close to doing something that would lead to either great pain or utter humiliation. Fools saw it as girly; dead men saw it as an ill-omen.

Naruto muttered something under his breath and accordingly raised his right hand. Sasuke's posture changed immediately, a superior smirk plastered on his face.

"Do you, Uzumaki Naruto, accept the challenge I have just issued?"

Rolling his eyes, Naruto sneered.

"I do."

"And do you, Uzumaki Naruto, swear to complete this challenge you have just accepted?"

"I do."

"And will you, Uzumaki Naruto, marry me?"

"I d- Wait, what?!"

"Sorry," Sasuke snickered." Couldn't resist. Back to business. In the event that you do not or cannot complete this task, do you, Uzumaki Naruto, give me permission to tell Neji that little story you so rudely interrupted, under the impression you are the King of Gaming and are convinced you will succeed?"

"Are you mocking me?"

"Answer the question," Sasuke and Neji said simultaneously.

"I do."

"There are rules. Do you wish to hear them?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"This game is nowhere as long as the others and can be completed within 10 hours. Once you've started, you are not allowed to abandon playing with the exception of bathroom breaks. If you are unable to complete the game within 12 hours, you lose. If you are unable to continue the game, you lose. If you lose all sense of reality & have to be forcibly placed into a strait jacket and carried out of this house by two men in white, you lose. Do you accept these rules?"

_What the hell did you buy?_ Naruto wondered, though nodded.

"Then I present you with your challenge."

Neji watched in silence, more than happy that he wasn't in Naruto's shoes. Or socks, as they never wore shoes while in the house. All the same, the blond was going to be their source of entertainment today, whether he knew it(or liked it) or not.

Taking the bag from Sasuke, Naruto studied its outer logo, brows furrowed. The boy knew every video game store in Konoha yet this one didn't seem to be ringing any bells. Trust Sasuke to find an elusive, shady shop in some crooked alley and actually buy something there. The raven was either really bored today or Naruto must have done something to tick the wolf off.

Silence fell upon the three as Naruto reached into the bag and pulled out - a wrapped cartridge. Bright yellow wrapping paper with little foxes all over and a large orange bow on which was a tag that read:_** To Kitsune-chan, with love.**_

Neji choked back his laughter, covering his mouth with a hand and tried to look as Naruto did though his white eyes sparkled with slowly building tears. If this was just the wrappings-

"Open it," Sasuke urged, winking at Neji.

Cursing in a language that would've earned him a very torturous ear-wringing from Iruka-sensei, had he been around to hear it, Naruto began to tear away the paper, purposefully tossing the bow at Neji, who would've commented on the action, but any accusation left his mind when he saw something that would stay with him for the rest of his life. Scratch that: this would follow him into the after-life and beyond.

Naruto. Looked. Terrified.

And Sasuke's smirk could not have been any more sadistic.

"I hope I've picked one you've never played."

Tired of being left out, Neji snatched the partially revealed item from Naruto's numb fingers. He read title - and his reaction couldn't have been any more opposite than Naruto's.

"The Adventures of Furby and His Friends in Snuggy Wuggy Land?"

···snort

···snicker

···maniac laughter!

By the time Naruto recovered from his shock both teens were out of breath gripping their aching sides. Neji had collapsed back in his seat, roaring his head off. Sasuke was leaning against the wall, head buried in his arms though shaking shoulders told all.

A force ripped the package out of Neji's hand and Naruto stomped over to the game his current game, he removed the cartridge and hastily shoved the sickly pastel green and blue Furby game in its place.

"You're actually going to play it?" Neji gasped, trying to draw some air back into depleted lungs.

No answer but the blank screen suddenly exploded with sparkly colors and the ominous sound of happy-clappy kiddy-friendly music droned through the three visibly cringed at the cheerful, high-pitch giggles and corny encouragements like:

_"You can do anything you put your mind to!"_

and···

_"Friends forever!_"

and···

_"It's furby-tastic!_"

"This can't be healthy," Neji mused, starring at the screen, innards crawling just by watching the multi-colored little hairballs hop around in a flowery field.

_"Hi there, fwiend!" _An ogle-eyed freak popped up on screen, badly animated and with a voice that made them want to stab out their eardrums._ "Pway with us? We wuv you vewy,vewy much aweady! Wet's have fun!"_

Nothing happened. Naruto was sitting there with a look of total disbelief on his face.

"Naruto..." Sasuke prodded, leaning on the back of the couch.

Steeling his nerves, Naruto hit the PLAY button.

_"Yay? Wet's pway!"_

"I think I'm going to be sick," Neji groaned.

Naruto was a solid block, showing no emotion as he selected a player. Naruto usually chose the most hideous character available. It was hard to do considering all the players were one inch tall balls of colorful fluff. In attempt to keep his dignity(key word: attempt) and avoid purging, Naruto chose the dark blue one, the most 'depressing' color of them all.

_"I'm Jiffy!" _it squealed. _"Wet's go!"_

Naruto took a deep breath and didn't even snap when Sasuke when the raven gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

"Good luck," Neji offered before Jiffy went spiraling through star-infested portals.

**One hour later**

_"Whee! Wevel thwee! This is fun! Awen't you having fun, fwiend?"_

Naruto emptied his eighteenth bottle of sake. Sasuke quickly supplied him with a new one while Neji searched for some aspirin.

_"Ooh! Wook at that! It's our bestest fwiend Mr. Wiggwy Piggwy! Hello, Mr. Wiggwy Piggwy!"_

_"Oink!"_

Naruto grabbed his nineteenth bottle and dumped it down his throat.

**Two hours later**

_"Good job! Give yourself a big hug! One, two, three, four; here we go to wevel four! What does that spell? Four! Whee!"_

"Huh?" Neji blinked.

Sasuke deadpanned.

"How many levels does this thing have anyway?"

Sasuke checked the box.

"Twenty-four··· We're going to need some more sake."

**Three hours later**

_"Oh no! What will we do? I have to bwing Kitty Witty back to his bestest fwiend! Will you help? ··· Supah! You're a good fwiend!"_

Naruto rubbed his sore head.

"Bring out the vodka?" Neji offered nervously, studying the mental state of his friend. He was growing anxious that they may be pushing the blond to his wit's end … which wasn't particularly difficult, but still.

"Bring me the gun."

"Killing yourself is against the rules," Sasuke reminded, flipping through a volume of the Hagane no Renkinjutsushi manga.

"… Pass me the vodka."

**Five hours later~**

"He hasn't said anything for the past ten minutes," Neji noticed, looking up from the book he had brought over to the couch.

"Who? Naruto or Jiffy?" Sasuke asked, having also been engrossed in his work: building a castle out of a deck of cards.

"Jiffy. Actually··· it's too quiet."

"··· Naruto, turning off the volume is cheating!"

Grumbling, the blond turned the sound back up.

_"… and then we'll go see my grandmama and she'll tell us a stowey! Won't that be fun?"_

**Seven hours later**

"Ano, Naruto, you'd be great at drinking games," Neji said, looking over the empty bottles of sake and vodka, the contents of which having yet to affect Naruto though did wonders to ease his suffering.

"Why does it have to skip?" Naruto asked, grinding his teeth and glowering at his furry buddy on the screen. "Why does the little retard have to sing that annoying tune all the time? And why can't I drown it in the pond?"

"Wouldn't be appropriate for the targeted age group," Neji stated plainly.

_"Ooooooh! Wookie! It's Mr. Barn Owl! What type of sound does Mr. Barn Owl make …?"_

"I can't take much more of this."

_"That's wight! Hoo! Hoo! And what type of sound does a happy Mr. Barn Owl make …?"_

"You've been through worse," Sasuke said.

_"You're wight! Hoo-hahaha! Hoo-hahaha! Wheeeeeeeee!"_

Sasuke gave Naruto what had to be his hundredth apologetic look that afternoon.

**Eight hours later**

_"Off to tha final wevel! Off to tha final wevel! Lalalalalalaaaaaaa!_"

Neji didn't know which was scarier: the bumbling tuff of misery's happy dance or Naruto's haunted, desperate face as he raced to the end of his suffering. His eyes were bulging and his face looked gaunt. His knuckles and fingers were white and he had blisters on his thumbs. About ten minutes ago he began muttering incoherently, which Neji couldn't understand but she had a suspicion that it had to be something along the line of:

"··· Almost over··· Almost over··· Almost over··· Almost over···"

"You can do it," Sasuke encouraged, sitting behind the blond, massaging his shoulders and placing light kisses on his neck. He'd finally stepped in to offer moral support when Naruto started to let out small fits of laughter the closer he got to the finish line.

"Just find the twinkle-bicycle and ride down Hearty Hills, through Tiny Town and deliver the Yummy Muffins to Misses Dolly Molly and you can go to the Pwetty Palace and tell everyone how much you love them & how much fun you had in Snuggy Wuggy Land and you'll have completed the game," Naruto giggled, his eyes shining dangerously.

"I did not just hear you say that," Neji groaned, sprawling out on the couch behind Sasuke unable to even watch.

Naruto, however, nodded, a hysterically eager look on his face.

"Complete the game··· Dolly Molly··· Make it go away··· Pwetty Palace··· Strangle Jiffy … Almost there··· Almost··· " High-pitched giggle. "Yummy Muffins delivered! There's Pwetty Palace! Look! There it is! It's pretty, ne? That's got to be it! Hehe··· Almost finished!"

"Don't fall into the Riva of Rainbows or you'll have to go back to the start," Sasuke warned, pointing with one hand.

"No! Don't want to start again! Careful··· careful··· "

_"Wow! Wook at all those pwetty flowars! Should we pick some for our fwiends?_"

"No, I don't want to. Takes too long··· Sasuke-chan, I don't want to!"

"You don't have to, dobe-chan. Just keep walking," Sasuke said softly, wrapping his arms around shaking shoulders, like a mother hushing her distressed child. "Just walk through the gates. Look, everyone's waiting for you!"

An orchestra of corny xylophone music swelled up and all the furry freaks began bouncing around Jiffy.

_"Wow! That was a wot of fun! I had so much fun twavelling through Snuggy Wuggy Land, didn't you, fwiend? And we met a wot of good fwiends and a wot of new fwiends, too! Too bad it's ova … Good job, though! We finished our long journey, my fwiend!"_

"YES!" Naruto yelled, throwing down the controls and jumping to his feet, inadvertently tossing Sasuke back onto Neji and began jumping around the room like a prized lunatic, high on victory and frayed nerves. "HAHAHAAA! YES! I DID IT! TAKE THAT, YOU LITTLE SHIT! I AM DONE WITH YOUR ASS!"

_"Are you happy too? That's gweat! Is there anything you wanna say to all our fwiends?"_

"YEAH! I HOPE THEY GANG-BANG YOU IN HELL! HAHAHA!"

_"That's a nice thing to say! You awe a good fwiend. I wuv pwaying with you. Wet's pway again weally,weally soon, ok?"_

"NO!" Naruto froze in mid-jump, shocked. "HELL NO!"

_"Next time, wet's pway at another wevel, where we'll meet many, many new fwiends and spend even more time together!"_

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

_"Hey, wet's sing our Best Fwiends song before you go! Beeeeeeeesssttt fwiends, beeeeeeeeesssttt fwiends, you and I awe beeeeeeeeesssttt fwiends, I wike you-"_

"Naruto!" Neji tried to intervene but was pinned down by Sasuke. "Don't do it!"

"WIKE THIS, BITCH!" Naruto, having ripped the entire console out, shouted. Running upstairs, he smashed it through the glass doors sending it over the balcony. He laughed, leaning over the railing to watch its descent, almost caving an innocent pedestrian's head in as it smashed into the pavement. "HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, FREAK!? TAKE YOUR FRIENDS AND SHOVE 'EM UP YOUR FURRY ASS!"

He ran back downstairs, scooped up Sasuke in his arms and danced around the room with him, chanting,"I WON! I DEFEATED IT! I WON," before smashing their mouths together in a fevered kiss. He snapped! Too much stress, alcohol, and happy-clappy songs! "I WON THE BET, TEME! HA! I BEAT YOU AT YOUR OWN SICK, FURRY GAME! TAKE THAT!"

Neji tried to sneak away unnoticed, only to be grabbed and kissed just as soundly. When Naruto released him he fell back onto the couch, eyes wide and feeling violated. Sasuke dropped down next to him, slightly dazed from the hot kiss he'd just received from his koi.

"I owned that game! In your faces, bitches! I'm gonna call Gaara and tell him! I am SO the SHIT!" Naruto shouted, grabbing his phone and sprinted out of the room, dashing up the stairs while he dialed. "HEY, GAARA! GUESS WHAT!"

His shared bedroom door slammed and all Neji and Sasuke could hear was the ringing in their ears. They could still hear Naruto's muffled excitement as he rattled on to a confused Gaara. Neji moved first, shifting so he could pull his knees to his chest and hide the embarrassment on his face.

Damn, that was a hot kiss... Sasuke touched his lips with his fingers and smirked to himself. Sasuke turned to the brunette, noticing he was muttering to himself. He scooted closer and tilted his head in attempt to hear what was being said.

"… nothing," he seemed to be insisting with a shaky voice, hugging himself tighter. "Nothing happened. I don't remember. I won't remember. Whatever happened … didn't. I didn't see it. I didn't hear it. I didn't feel it. I'm think I need to go home and take a shower-"

"Um ..." Sasuke said, reaching down to pull something from under the couch. A small plastic bag with Akako's Arcade written on it. " … So, was it a bad idea to leave Return of Furby and His Friends to Snuggy Wuggy Land on Naruto's pillow?"

Neji's head immediately shot up, fear and anger written clearly across his face. "You ahou-"

"MOTHERFUCKING HELL!" Came a blood-curdling shriek from upstairs. "GAARA, IT'S BACK! SHIT! IT'S IN MY BED! NO I'M NOT HALLUCINATING!"

"I need a beer," Neji grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose, head hurting.

"Naruto drank all the alcohol."

"… Get me my gun."

"Touch him and I swear-"

"Who said it was for him?"

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed."

"…"

"…"

"Goodnight!"

"Wait, Sasuke!" Neji shouted as the raven ran out of the room. The raven wasn't getting off that easy. No way in hell was Neji gonna deal with a mentally unstable blond on his own. Besides, he's the Uchiha's lover... not his, therefore not his responsibility.

Damn, did he ever hate video games.

**xxxxx**


End file.
